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A wedding
is considered an important event full of adat-adat. In the past, most marriages
were arranged but these days this is no longer practiced. In the earlier
days, the couple would most likely to be betrothed while still children,
and contact with each other was kept to a minimum until the actual marriage
ceremony.
Today when a young man fancies a certain girl, he expresses it by indicating
to his parents a longing for a house ladder. A 'match maker' is engaged
to do some discreet enquires. If nothing happens, a group including the
parents will go to the girl's house and recite verses about thunder, ladders
and thatch which are all defective - and a request is made - can the flower
be plucked from the vase? If the reply is that she will fix all these things
it means the answer is a positive one, and an engagement is in the works.
If these things have already been fixed or are sturdy stuff, that is the
end of the enquiry.
Once everything have been accepted, the dowry or mas kahwin or berian for
the bride is discussed. This can be in cash or gold and the amount depends
on a number of factors. Once settled, it is ceremonially conveyed to the
bride's house and effectively puts a seal on the negotiations. It also helps
towards the wedding expenses. |
Shortly
before the wedding day, a buffalo is slaughtered for the feast. The marriage
is solemnised and registered just before the wedding ceremony and the Imam
will bless the couple.
Early on the morning of the big day or sometimes the night before, the 'powdering
ritual' is carried out in the bride's house. It is a form of beautification
and done by a group of older women. The bride is wiped with rice flour to
whiten and brighten her face. Saffron rice, scented water, sirih, betel
nut and a variety of flours are also used and are placed inside a special
container or bintang. The fingers and toes of the bridal couple are then
hennaed.
At midday the baalis ceremony is held, followed by gual-gualan. Somber music
is played by a Hadrah group. The 'bathing' ceremony is then conducted. Both
the bride and groom are assisted by special groups separately. They then
return to their respective houses. The akad nikah ceremony is next.
The groom, all dressed up in wedding finery and holding a handkerchief departs
with his party to the bride's house where once again permission is seeked
for him to be her husband. Before leaving his house, the groom smokes a
ceremonial cigarette, urged on by the villagers. Then accompanied by the
hadrah group with a candle and colourful flowers called bunga puan, he is
'towed' by the handkerchief. At the foot of the stairs at the bride's house,
he is turned around three times and is sprinkled with saffron rice on the
way up. Upstairs, the bride is behind several layers of curtains on the
bridal dais. The groom pays for the curtains to be removed and the face
of the bride is also revealed from behind a veil. The groom touches the
forehead of the bride three times. This done, the couples sits on the dais.
This is known as the bersanding ceremony.
At night the persandingan is held, where the bride meets the groom's relatives
and friends. The couple then retire to different rooms. They are not supposed
to sleep until morning as the Brunei Malays have a belief that the one who
falls asleep first, also dies first. To keep them awake, dancing and singing
is carried on all night long. Everyone sleeps in the next morning.
The bridal couple are not allowed to leave the house for seven days. Another
bathing ritual on the third day allows the groom to 'kidnap' the bride at
will. On the fifth day, the bride accompanied by relatives and small children,
meet with her in-laws. She has to behave shyly and hide her face. They then
present her with items of gold jewellery as well as kitchen utensils. Thus
ends the elaborate Brunei Malay wedding ceremony.
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